A Relationship Turns to Domestic Violence When Anger and Poor Communication Take Over
Getting angry at your partner is not the end of a relationship. In fact, anger is actually healthy. It is an emotion that lets you know that there is an issue. If handled improperly, your anger can become the issue. Getting angry can be a time for growth, both personally and as a couple. Taking the time to acknowledge anger and talk about it is crucial to this growth. When a couple lets their anger stew, or communicates poorly, potentially the relationship turns to domestic violence. All too often one or both of the people involved in a relationship turns to violence as a result of unprocessed or misunderstood anger.
Signs of Increased Anger and Poor Communication
- Passive Aggressive Behavior – Passive aggression is how many people choose to express anger without confronting it. Passive aggression manifests when you are cracking jokes about your partner, you give your partner the silent treatment as punishment, or you continually undermine their goals or authority.
- Aggressive Speech – Responding with a defensive or hostile attitude toward your partner is a sure sign you are communicating poorly. Aggressive speech includes raising your voice, blaming your partner, or dominating the conversation.
- Avoiding Conflict – Ignoring issues and trying to avoid your partner just gives you both more time for your anger to build up into something bigger.
5 Tips to Reduce Anger and Improve Communication Before the Relationship Turns to Domestic Violence
1. Calm Yourself Before Confronting Your Partner
Take a moment to calm yourself and think about what is making you upset. Engaging in a heated discussion will get your partner to respond with just as much anger and a resolution may become impossible.
2. Own Your Anger
Your anger is your own. It is telling you something about yourself. The anger might be directed at your partner but it is a reflection of something you don’t agree with. You can have valid complaints about your partner’s actions, but the emotions you use are yours to control. Approach topics that upset you with a calm demeanor to have a better chance of achieving a mutual resolution.
3. Use “I” Statements and not “You” Statements
How you express your emotions and ideas has a big impact on the resolution of the situation. To begin the conversation, use “I” statements and let your partner know how you feel. For example, say “it upsets me that you spend so much time at the bar” instead of saying “why do you spend so much time at the bar?” or “you spend all your time at the bar.” “You” statements are very accusatory and can put someone on the defensive, potentially derailing the entire conversation.
4. Make Sure to Listen and That You are Heard
Conversations about what makes you angry are not a debate or a competition. Many times, people are trying to win an argument when in reality there are no winners. Focus on listening to your partner. They should be doing the same for you. If you are feeling like you aren’t being heard and the conversation is making you angrier, tell your partner you need a break, calm down, and then come back to the conversation.
5. A Compromise or Mutual Resolution Needs to be the Goal
Both parties should walk away agreeing on an understanding. Often, this will be a compromise that both parties agree on. It is at this point in the process that real growth can happen. Many couples feel closer to each other after a resolution is reached.
Jesse Kalter is Available if the Relationship Turns to Domestic Violence
Reading about how to control your anger is completely different than having to control and process your anger. It’s a known fact that those closest to you can make you the angriest. Express your anger in a healthy way by communicating and not turning to violence. But, if you do find yourself in a situation where you or someone you know has gotten violent and been charged with domestic battery, call a lawyer immediately. Jesse Kalter has the experience and knowledge to effectively fight domestic battery charges. He regularly has these charges reduced, completely dismissed, or obtains “not guilty” verdicts for his clients. He is available to serve the people of Reno, Sparks, Carson City, Fallon, Fernley, Dayton, Yerington, Douglas County, and all other Northern NV rural counties.
If Your Relationship Leads to Domestic Battery Charges, Get Legal Help Fast
Contact Jesse Kalter Today for a Confidential Case Evaluation and Consultation
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